four chaps & a chickie: February 2013

Throughout my pregnancy with Neve, I had planned to write how things were going.
Emotional, physical, mental feelings about it all...but never sat down to do it.
Even now, I feel so physically exhausted it's all I can do to keep my eyes open and stare at the screen.
I'm forcing myself to think and to relay information, because details slip from our minds with time, and sleep-deprivation often changes facts to far fetched fiction.

So, lets start with the end.
Yeah, her birth - because that truly is the beginning.
My pregnancy went very smoothly, comparatively. Of course I battled with nausea and vomiting in the beginning, had contractions from early on (which made me think she may come early), and dealt with swollen ankles, rib pain and bouts of insomnia.
Yet, each time I went to the doctor I was told things were perfect and that there is nothing of concern. I was graduated from the High Risk doc (which we were seeing on a precautionary basis because of my prior pregnancies)...and even at the end, my body wasn't even dilating like I had thought (and of course secretly hoped!) :)
When I scheduled my c-section for 39 weeks, I never for a moment thought I'd make it to that date.
But, we did.
Neve would have probably been perfectly content to stay put even beyond that...but Jan 30, 2013 was the date we had scheduled to evict Miss Neve.
The nights leading up to her birthday I got a lot accomplished...I felt as "prepared" as possible.
I didn't sleep much at all the night before we went in for my c-section, but still popped my head off the pillow at 6:15 am and was ready to go within minutes. My bags had been packed for weeks (in preparation for an early delivery)...and my checklist was all marked off. It was surreal driving over to the hospital NOT in labor. Easily checking in and being wheeled off to the triage labor and delivey space. They were already preparing for me...my gown, ivs, medical forms, and nurse all waiting. We casually talked with the nurses about how excited we were to be having a girl and it just felt so strange just laying there "waiting my turn" - listening to Neve's heartbeat which we could hear on monitor. Strong and steady, unaware that her life was going to change drastically within the hour.
And then it was our turn. I waddled over to the wheelchair and they took us back to the OR. Tim gave me a kiss goodbye and I was taken in to the room to be prepped. I can remember thinking how strange this all was. I recall details of the room - thinking it was quite a bit smaller than the other room I had the twins in...how I didn't like having to listen to Lady Gaga on the loudspeaker (yes, I asked them to turn it off) and wondered if there was music being played when the others were born.
I remember thinking the anesthesiologist was speaking so normally, almost boringly...I detected no hint of hurried panic in his voice. I spoke jovially with the nurses...about thier children or grandchildren...the weather...the flu season. It was bizarre.
And then that all-too-familiar spinal block warmth spread down my legs and I was told to lay on my back. Per normal, up went the privacy sheet and on came the warm blankets. I felt nauseated so I was told to lay my head to the side. The whole time I kept thinking how very strange this was. Sure, I felt enormous, but was she ready to come out? Was it finally the end of my last pregnancy? Would it really be a girl...could we adjust? Then Tim came in. I felt better having him hold my hand. I squeezed it tightly as they began the procedure.
Baby girl was more "stuck" than the boys were. That feeling where "an elephant is sitting on your chest" (where one nurse basically pushes with all her strength to get the baby to pop out) - happened 3 times. I remember thinking, whoa...this is a LOT of pressure. I asked Tim if things were okay after awhile and was reassured yes, but I kept waiting for that cry. To hear the life that I had felt for so long. And then it happened. She arrived.
I felt perturbed they didn't lift her over the sheet to let me see as normally they would, but scooped her away to get cleaned and assessed. I looked at Tim - "is she a girl?"
He assured me she was "I triple checked....she's beautiful baby, absolutely beautiful."
And then I broke down.
It's an odd feeling to cry uncontrollably when everything in the world seems so wonderfully right. No one was necessarily paying attention to me...well, the surgeons were nicely putting me back together, and the nurses were cleaning up and weighing my daughter, but I cried.
The tears of relief, of joy, of almost every emotion one could think of. The last few months flashed through my brain...
And then they brought her over. And I fell in love. Again.
You know how with your husband it take a little while to feel that everlasting love? Because you had to weigh the good vs the bad, right? :) jk...
Well, it's never like that when they give your child to you, is it?
Because they are absolutely perfect. The child is the most beautiful, special thing in the world and no one else could tell you otherwise. And she was...and is.
I was told she weighed 7 lbs 2 oz. My doctor guessed 6lbs 14oz just moments before she started my section - and wow, she was close! I admit I figured she'd weigh significantly more than the others with having carried her full term, but she's my peanut. A petite lil lady. ;)
I closed my eyes and zoned as they closed me up. This part always seems the same - I lay, attempting to process what has happened while the surgeon and nurses talk about their kids or television shows, or who they think will win the super bowl.
....I think of how my life has changed.
When I'm all done in the OR, I head to recovery...waiting patiently while they brought my daughter to me. Lady Neve was hungry and wasted no time or pleasantries - getting right to business.
So I just studied her as Tim and I discussed who we thought she looked like. No one in particular - just bits and pieces of Tim and I - slightly resembling her bio brothers in part. And I kept thanking God for the miracle she was...and how she came to be.
Before her birth we were told the new rules for visitors were limited to 2 people. One being your husband... so really just 1 visitor. This made me pretty sad because I had plans to allow all my good friends to come and hang out - where with the twins I had little to no visitors. But, oh well. Our stay just ended up a bit quieter than I had imagined. Even Tim couldn't be there as much as he liked - having 4 children at home means we can't just leave them to fend for themselves - or take advantage of the care provided family or friends...so Daddy had to say goodbye around dinner time.
That first night was fine I guess - I mean, I was really anxious to get the IV out and the air puffers off my legs (they were making me insanely sweaty), but I suppose I slept relatively well...considering the nurses and various persons who came in and out of my room for this and that. One nurse I had often came in to check if I was falling asleep holding Neve. It was quite annoying really - I was wedged in with about 5 pillows and if I'm feeding her and want to close my eyes - please let me... But otherwise my caregivers were very nice.
Anticipating the previous C-section related pain I was beyond thrilled to feel such little pain in comparison. I was up and about as soon as they let me - all systems were a-go...and I felt so much better than I had with previous recoveries - praise the Lord!
My two visitors consisted of Tim and my mom (who came around lunch time the next day). When they weren't there, I just spent time napping, surfing the internet, eating or just hanging out with Neve.
I decided to leave on Saturday morning even though insurance would have paid until Sunday...I felt pretty good physically and I missed my boys- especially the twins...I had never been away from them for more than 1 night. We skyped some, but it wasn't the same as giving them kisses!

...Home life has been crazy. The reunion was totally overwhelming for me having had been in the quiet for 3 days, but we're adjusting.
More on each son's initial and continued reaction to come.................

I probably have about 100 pictures of her already, but I'll try to stick to the ones that are hospital related, as is this post:
Mommy ready to go back! (I was probably asked many times if this was my first child - and it was funny EVERY time I watched people's reactions when I said, nope - 5th!) :)