school days

School is in session.
Cale is out of the house from 8:30am til about 4pm.

Here's some of the changes we're seeing as we adjust to 3 kids at home:
*There is less fighting. ;)  My youngest 3 are actually only 18 months apart so they tend to enjoy the same things.  Megersa still refers to them as "the babies" and does actually try to baby them (which they dont care for unfortunately)...but he's figuring out how to play with them...
*With Megersa assuming his role as big brother, we've had to work on the difference between tattle-tailing ("the babies are playing in mud!") and informing Mommy if someone is doing something that is dangerous ("the babies are climbing on the back of the couch...I don't want Thad to fall!").
He's getting there.  And I know in a matter of months when the twins start talking, those 3 will be great buddies!!  

*The fighting that goes on during the day is mainly Thad and Shepherd.  And it goes a lil something like this:
Brother has something I think I would like to play with...I think I'll take it from him. 
Brother is trying to take something I am already holding...I will scream until he leaves me alone.
Brother is in my way, I will crawl over/push/smack him to get him out of my way.
...and the like. :) 
Even with all the tiffs that go on between them, I find their bond astonishing.  I love it that they are most excited to see each other in the morning and are developing their own sort of "language" to communicate.

Correction can be challenging with 18 month olds, but T & S are working very hard starting now to understand that they should "not hurt each other but try to be 'gentle' by giving hugs and kisses" - and it's sinking in slowly.  When they hear the word "gentle" they often stop what they are doing and begin to pet each other....yesterday they ran at each other to give kisses.  It was pretty funny...such finesse! ;)
*I can't say that I have "loads" more free time now that Cale is in school during the day...but what I do have is a naptime that is uninterrupted for at least 2 hours.  Admittedly I set aside about an hour for me to nap/rest...but mainly I just find it refreshing to be able to read quietly, blog, or clean up/catch up on housework.  Today's extra hour allowed me to mop the floor and clean the stovetop & microwave!   I also have a bit more time to prep meals, though I really do miss my cooking buddy.
My 3 under 3 try and help - today we 'shucked' the corn together...but tasks are sorta limited for them.

Cale's is somewhat vague about school.  When we question him about each aspect of his day he says he "can't remember" - but if we just let him be, he inadvertently gives us little clips of his day.  My favorite so far is when he models what his teacher has the class do when they are in the hall "hip and lip" - they put one hand on their hip, and the other in the "shush" position at their lip.  I'll try to get a pic of him doing it! ;)  He seems to enjoy singing time and quite likes art class.  Today he said they counted to 110 which I know he loved b/c he is great with numbers.
He's enjoying himself and while he does admit "school is too long" I know it's all part of the adjustment.  We are so proud of the little man he's becoming!!

While Cale is away and I'm able to take a younger approach to teaching life skills, we worked on staying focused on a quiet activity.  Megersa chose coloring.  M has the lightest touch and the page he draws on almost never looks colored...but he quite enjoys exclaiming "look what I drew Mommy!" - Thad likes to take the crayons out of the case and put them back in until he gets bored and throws them on the floor.....he's not much into the coloring, but is pretty darn good with his fine motor skills.
My dear Sheppy has the wow factor in the arts department.  It's actually quite shocking.  I honestly never did more than hand him some crayons but he can hold a pencil/pen/crayon the exact right way!  I noticed it awhile back and thought it was a fluke...but now he can do it with both hands!  He loves to color...and his whole page is filled with different shades of scribbles.

Look at this pic half-way into our morning "activity":

It's baffling to me.  And here's the video taken by Daddy later in the day (because he started showing off his mad skills again!):

 I'll bet he's our artsy one. ;)

birthday belated

Birthdays used to be a HUGE deal to me.  Massive. 
I looked forward to it as soon as the summer started. 
Now?  Well, I suppose there's still a little bit of excitement.  I know my hubby will treat me royal and I might get some birthday cash in the mail from the parents...but otherwise, it's not the wonder it once was.  No biggie.
This past birthday I got the chance to be responsibility free for the day.  Not that I spent the day away from my children, but Tim didn't ask me to change one diaper, feed one meal or pick up anything.  Of course, so much of it is in my nature and part of my daily routine...but I did take a free pass on diapers and meals! :)  And I got to take a nice, long, guilt-free nap!!! :)  I also threw together an impromtu ladies night that evening.  We went to the Melting Pot and had their cheese and chocolate fondu!  Yum!! ;) 
To state fact, my birthday is July 31st.  And since Megersa's birthday is in 4 days...I better log away something of my own before I miss it completely.
I know the past 2 years I did 27 and 28 things you didn't know about me...but I just dont know if I can come up with 29 more!  Should I try?  I'd need some encouragement - otherwise I'm going to sneak away and say Happy Belated Birthday to me. 
And for some reference to myself, just list some of the fun NEW shows I've been watching:

Old favorites with new seasons will not get an in-detail mention, but I look forward to the new and sometimes old episodes of The Office, Parks & Rec, Raising Hope, So You Think You Can Dance and Project Runway. 

Okay, Project Runway is my absolute favorite show.  It reminds me of my friend Jess who would come over with chipotle and indulge with me as we watched each episode!! :)  I wish she still lived close by.  That show is so much more fun to watch with friends.
Now, to the newbies:

Master Chef.  - I enjoy watching any sort of cooking competition.  Did you know that I considered going to culinary school?  I kinda thought my palate isn't refined or experimental enough...  but, maybe some day right?!  Master Chef is great because it's home cooks just doing the cool things they do and pushing themselves to all the challenges that they are faced with.  Apparently there's been 3 seasons out!  I've only caught on to the 3rd season hype - but wish I could find the older episodes!

Drop Dead Diva - I stumbled across this lil gem when I got finished watching the series "switch at birth" with my mom.  I am in LOVE!  I think I watched 3 full seasons on netflix in under a week.  ...yes, I realize that's a lot of shows, but I was HOOKED!  I'm kicking myself for not knowing that the 4th season was up on Hulu and I missed the first 8 episodes...now I'd ruin it for myself if I started that late into the season hoping later to catch up.  I suppose I'll just have to wait for netflix to post them... womp womp womp..........

Switched at Birth - this was a 1 season show that my mom and I initially started watching because we thought it was a movie.  Tim was away with the big boys visiting his family in Ohio...so Grammie came to help me with the twins while I was in the sick stages of pregnancy.  Mom loves to watch shows too, so we watched 15 of the 21 episodes in the 5 days she was here.  Craaaaazy I know.  :)  I think season 2 starts next week!

Downton Abbey - I watched 2 seasons of this show in a matter of days....  I'm not proud of it, but I guess it's my own sleep I forfeited.  I can't tell you how many times I said to myself (or outloud to Tim) "just one more episode...then I'll go to bed." New season doesn't come out until January....in the meantime I better jolly well find something else to do with my nights! :)

Cupcake Wars - There's so many different cupcake and cake shows...and I've seen a few episodes here and there, back when we had cable.  But I got sorta annoyed with the fact the end result was basically a giant pile of (albiet beautifully decorated) fondu on top of cake.  BUT, it wasn't always cake.  Not real cake - could be cake crumbles, rice crispie treats...even wood used as a base.  Not my thang.  However - as I said I enjoy competition...and as I pulled out of the "morning" sickness hump, I began to enjoy looking at foods again.  The challenges were fun with unique themes and I got a kick out of how fast paced everything was.  It's a good one for sure, and I look forward to the new episodes....it's also nice that each episode really has nothing to do with the others, so you can watch out of order with no problems.

Chopped - same thing as above...but with food.  Each chef is given a mystery box and needs to be creative when using each ingredient.  It's a timed challenge so of course everything is a blur! Who knew there were so many different ways to make food - and unique ways at that! :)  I don't care for one of the female judges on the show though, so it gets no where near as high marks as Master Chef, imo.

Once Upon a Time - this show's premise seemed interesting to Tim and I when we initially heard about it...  We didn't get around to watching it when it first came out...but, we have netflix and my mom came one weekend and insisted we watch it together.  I got through 2 episodes.  The cheesy acting and not-so-stellar visuals weren't that appealing to me.  At least initially.  I may also need to admit that my mom telling me what happens in detail in future episodes is also a tad annoying.....  BUT, when she left, I decided to give the next episode or so another go.  And I again, got  hooked.  The fairytale stories drew me in and I was able to overlook the cheese. ;)  I believe season 2 comes out this fall...  Excellent!

If anyone else has some good shows to recommend, lemme know! 
Yeah, I suppose I wish I enjoyed reading as much as I enjoy television...but...we can't all be the same, can we?! :)  I have friends regardless.  haha.

Celebrations

Lots has been going around the Nester home.  These kids just keep getting older!! 
Even the unborn one - baby is now 17 weeks old - 7 oz, and 6 inches long!  Apparently the size of an onion.
We have had an inkling of this nuggets gender for a few weeks now, but feel it best to wait until the next scan (a week from tomorrow) to make the big announcement. :)
No big momma belly pics yet - been feelin' large & incharge though. 
Well...definitely large.

The twins are now 18 months old.  A year and a half.  And just wild.  They get into all sorts of mischeif.  I have to look back and laugh because otherwise I think I might cry.  haha.  They are always climbing on stuff, so I am generally not surprised to see them in odd places like the back of the toilet - the top of a dresser - tippie-toeing on the upright part of the couch reaching to climb up and open the window - or their favorite - the table.  It's just a crazy non-stop energy fest around here.

Megersa has been reminding us that his birthday is coming up soon.  And yes indeedily.  The countdown is now on one hand only.  We considered a big blowout birthday party for him, but every time we asked him for a "theme" he just mentions motorcycles or monster trucks.  I suppose that could be a theme, but I searched long and hard about how to incorporate that into a toddlers birthday party...I came up pretty short.  So, one night as I was discussing my dilemma with a friend - I questioned if she knew of any monster truck rallies or a motorcycle parades in the area.  She mentioned the Frederick Fairgrounds and their annual events - which includes all sorts of demolition derbies and vroom vroom stuff!  :)  Megersa was more than happy to trade in a party for a chance to see his favorites up close!  When I asked him what friend he'd like to bring with him, I'll admit, I assumed he'd say Cale...but I was surprised to hear that he requested the prescence of Cale's 6 year old twin girl friends.  .....he can't be interested in older women already, can he?!?   haha.
The fair is not until mid-September, so more on that to come.  We will have him pick a place to eat for our family to go to in the meantime.

Cale started school today.  It was a surreal experience.  As I packed his lunch box up last night the images from my childhood came flooding back.  I loved opening my lunch to find the goodies I prepared for myself!  This time, I'm the parent.  The adult.  One of the ones responsible for his education....for sending him into the world and hoping he can thrive!!  He didn't attend any sort of preschool, so this step in his childhood was particularly monumental to me (having had him by my side every day for the past 5 1/2 years).  And as I watched him break his hand-hold from us and walk himself on the bus I didn't tear, because it all went so fast!  I don't know how I pictured this day...but I thought it would go slower.  As soon as the busdriver closed the door, we got a few waves - then off they went.  ...and he was gone. 

When Tim and I brought him home from the hospital we laughed in disbelief that they were letting us leave the hospital with him!  "That's it?  You're confident that we're gonna be okay as parents?"  Even now it makes us chuckle.  Today was the flip.  Bus #509 came promptly at 8:32a, and took that same child, confident that he was going to be okay.  The day went normally for me...naptime was a bit quieter.  Okay, a lot quieter...but we were all eager to get him off the bus and see how his first day went.  The bus driver told me that he broke the rules by eating on the bus, and that he stepped out of the busline to join the "walkers" while he chased a caterpillar...but other than that, he seemed fine.  He survived.  And it'll happen again tomorrow...and the next day, and the next.  That first day of kindergarten is so final.  That day starts the new chapter of your life being bound by the school clock.  For the next 20+ years we will be repeating some form of this routine.  Strange right?!
I feel old.

Lastly, Daddy Tim IS getting old.  About a month and a half before he crosses the border into his 30s.  Ha ha. :)  He and I were able to get our FIRST night away from the kids since Cale's been born.  Yes, for real - that long.  It was fun.  We went to downtown DC and stayed in a hotel, did some sightseeing, and ate.  It was really a great time and I didn't worry about the kids at all.  It actually went too darn fast.
Back to the grind!! :)

caterpillars and jellyfish

Cale's always been a bug guy...  He digs through our recycling bin to get containers for each and every one.  Don't worry, he's allowed to do that, b/c we don't blame him...too many a brother has made him cry by squishing the life out of his 'treasures'.
I quite enjoy watching him care for and ask question about God's design.  BUGS?  God created bugs and there's a lesson in everything! :)
I'm actually pleased this summer he is enjoying the ever-present caterpillars as opposed to last years' stink bug infestation collection. :/
Cale spends quality time outdoors (with and without his younger brothers) just catching, holding and feeding his caterpillars.  ...I'm glad the supply is high because they do usually end up dead...
No matter.  He presses on.  Every day he finds several and asks which kinds he has (and I suppose he's looking for an answer other than "green" or "fuzzy" but I'm not sure...thank goodness for google!).

He also has a deep interest in jellyfish.  Most fish in general can hold his attention, but for some reason he is captivated by the jellyfish.  He wants to know everything about them - how do they swim? why don't they have eyes? why they sting? how much does it hurt? will they kill you? can we catch one?...  It's pure fascination!  Tim and I plan to take the kids to the Baltimore aquarium one of these days and while I'm pretty sure all of the boys will love it....I'm certain Cale will be the one we have to drag out of there!! :)

...so that's it.  I wanted to capture this moment in time.  My big boy who is Kindergarten bound in a few short days is going to LOVE science class.  :)

Oh, I had to share these pics...because apparently the bug love is mutual. 
This poor kid gets EATEN ALIVE by mosquitoes.  
(And I'm sparing you the naked shot...b/c underneath those clothes there is so much more pink skin.)

The way we announced it!

And here was our long worked on project - our announcement video:

note: since this video Megersa has changed his vote to "baby brother." ;)
We shall find out very soon...

answering the unanswered.

This post comes with a great deal of openness on my part.
In fact, I'd venture to say most reading this will be surprised that I would share something like this.
But I need you to know the sincerity of God's commitment as our Heavenly Father - to be our Protector, our Provider, to walk us through the good and the bad.  To never leave.
To give and to take away.

With the posts leading up to this one you might guess that we have been given something else.
And you're right!!.......
But lets start with what was "taken away."

I'm going to share with you a quick snippet of something I jotted down in June 2002.......
"I personally think Hannah is a fantastic woman.  To make such a vow is just so amazing.  I don't know what it would be like to be childless, but I can imagine very painful.  I know I want to have 5 children and it would kill me if I was barren.  She gave up her son for the Lord.  She is a great woman.  she had so much trust in the Lord and she kept her vow."

I find it so interesting how much of this jumps out at me.
10 years ago I felt a connection with Hannah. (more on Hannah's story- in case you are not familiar)
10 years ago I wanted 5 children.
10 years ago I worried about struggling with infertility.

But God allowed that in my life.
Yes, I have 4 children, and I birthed 3 of them......

Well, they came with help.
I still to this day thank God for the role that medical intervention has had in my life.
A while ago I joked with Tim that if we had been born when our grandparents were born he wouldn't have his wife or any of his children!
Bad joke?  Well, it was a gateway to talk about how awesome it is that God protected me through brain surgery... and continuing on, how excellent it was that there is so much medicine now to be able to help otherwise "barren" women have children.

Years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS.
Poly Cycstic Ovarian Syndrome.
You're more than welcome to read up on it, but I'll give you the long and the short of it as it pertains to me - I have high testosterone levels, high LH levels, and irregular cycles.

These things combine to a very difficult, if not impossible time conceiving on one's own.

I didn't think much of the diagnosis until Tim and I decided we wanted to have children.
So I figured I might as well talk to a doctor about my concerns.Her suggestion seemed easy enough - Clomid....a fertility drug.
Take 2 tablets for 5 days...and do what married people do.
Easy peasy.
We were fortunate to announce that we were pregnant with Cale after 3 months time.

After Cale was a little over 1 year old, we decided it could possibly be time for another.
Enter Clomid again.
This time success was achieved on the first go-around.
This baby did not make it to term, and Tim and I still grieve him/her.

After the loss, things got tricky.  We were definitely ready, but it wasn't happening.  Clomid had "run it's course" and I was instructed to visit a specialist.

I can remember envy at this point in my life.
Friends and family members were announcing their pregnancies all around us.   
"Another surprise baby for so-and-so," I'd say to Tim, all the while feeling very green....
hm......

It would never work that way for us.
No, we'd have to continue to have invasive medical testing done and share our private lives in order to do something that is suppose to be natural.
God created human beings to reproduce!  That's how the world gets populated!!!
Shouldn't it be easy?  Why should anyone NEED to struggle through things like this when there are teenagers getting knocked up and conceptions caused by extramarital affairs....
We were in a solid relationship - committed to each other and to God! 
Why choose us to bear this burden?

I think during the course of the the whirlwind that was our adoption of Megersa - I learned why.
Because God is in control.
The fact that Tim and I basically just "decided" to adopt Megersa without really putting together the numbers is shocking, isn't it?  Someone once accused us of "putting the cart before the horse."
And perhaps this person was right -
But - I got a stirring that I took for a calling and not long after - I was sold.
The benefits surely would outweigh the cost.  Adding a new life to our family was more important than a savings account.

Fast forward to the summer of 2010.  Tim and I started making plans again.  2 kids may seem enough to some families - but I, in particular am a glutton for punishment, because I marched myself into the Reproductive Endocrinologist's office and boldly stated I was ready to have another child.

Because of the previous fertility treatments I had undergone, I was "generously" given 2 options - Injectable Gonatropins or IVF.
I didn't think I needed IVF - I had conceived twice and birthed one child already - so I was confident that our shot at pregnancy could be achieved without this form of medical intervention.  ...Well that, and our insurance didn't cover any of it.
I had some experience with injectables and truthfully, they really weren't too bad.
Tim and I decided we would try for about 3-4 months, and if God chose not to bless us again biologically, we would take it as a sign and put our efforts into starting the long adoption process again.
So, we went through the tedious and somewhat humiliating aspects of this process...  We came through it blessed with not one, but two babies - on our first go.
And, well, you've seen them - you know the rest.  4 under 4.
__________________________________________________________________________

Several months back, I started family planning again.
I talked Tim's ear off about when would be the perfect time to grow our family again.
I talk and talk because it needs to be carefully planned.  There are so many doctors visits involved, insurance companies to talk to, medications to purchase... Though out of my control, a big part of this process is very much controlled by what we 'choose' to do.

I recently had 2 friends, given very very slim odds (like 1% or less) of getting pregnant without help just announce they are pregnant.  And while an announcement such as this might have once turned me a little green, I was beyond overjoyed for them.  I was so happy to congratulate them!  And as I talked with God about it, I praised Him for His awesome surprises! 

I arrived at my first "baseline" appointment.  I got my blood-work done and was waiting in the room for the doctor to come in and check my uterine lining and ovarian reserve.  A thought passed through my brain - "Wouldn't it be so awesome if the doc did the ultrasound and found out I was already pregnant?  I wouldn't have to go through this process at all!"  I quickly pushed the thought away.  I didn't think it would really happen.
I know God answers prayers.  I got the answer to my longstanding prayer.  And the answer was no.  I would be one of those ladies who has issues with infertility.  I would not conceive on my own.
And I had come to grips with it.

But now?
Well, you can imagine what happened.
I did lay back on that table...and the doctor did see an already existing pregnancy.
All on "our own"...without medical help.
But NOT without God.
I was stunned.  Tim was FLOORED.
We rejoiced over this life and were so grateful to be able to tell everyone about the miracle that we are experiencing.  It still doesn't seem real.

Perhaps I was under the wrong impression about God's answer to my prayer.
I assumed that God's answer was no, but it really was "wait."

He is always in control and all things really do work together for good to those that love Him.

So here's to #5, our little miracle God was waiting to bless us with. :)
Estimated due date - Feb 6, 2013.

...no, we don't know if it's a boy or girl yet.