I sometimes like to at least get the title of the post going so that I know what I've been meaning to write about.
The intention was just to brag on how much Cale has grown in the past few weeks and months, and to state the fun little things he's been learning or doing in relation to school.
...but yesterday that bliss came to a halt.
My son stepped off the bus with a grin from ear to ear.
He was a "Star Student"...and was rewarded with a sticker.
There was no fear in his eyes or uncontrollable crying stating how he'd never wanna ever go back to his school.
His world is a bubble, and I am thankful that his 5-year-old mind does not need to question right now the depravity of man.
But we do.
And I'm sure all of the parents everywhere but Connecticut awaited their school children with anxious breath, eager to wrap them in a giant hug as they stepped off the bus.
When I read that mainly Kindergarteners...babies like my Cale, were amongst the large number of the dead I could barely breathe.
Even today I can only allow myself to think of this tragedy in tiny little bursts...because my fellas at home need a functioning mother, not one who cannot stop weeping.
But the littles are all down for naps now, and Cale is plugged in to a Christmas movie.
So my brain is free, and my heart is heavy.
The weight of the sin of the world comes crashing in....
God is good. He orchestrates all things in our lives - do not forget that.
...But he DOES NOT cause us to sin.
Sin is human.
This shooter was human...and in my opinion one of the worst kinds of humans.
I started to form this post in my head while my older sons were playing "bad guys." No specific persons in mind, just "people who are bad...do bad things." ...I heard them saying how they will kill these bad guys. So I took the opportunity to teach them. We talked...and as simple as I kept it for them to understand that Jesus commands us in the Bible "Do Not Kill'"....I couldn't help but say it without a bitter taste in my mouth.
If it had been MY son at his school......I'm sure I wouldn't be thinking rationally.
But we need to teach our children that God can redeem any person.
...even a bad guy. Even someone who kills.
Because God loves them... He even loved that killer and is even more devastated than we are by this.
This horrific event doesn't make me question God...though I can understand those who do.
Above all it makes me thank God that it wasn't my child. That it could have just as easily happened to Yellow Springs Elementary and it COULD have been my son. But I praise God it wasn't. I get on my knees and plead even harder for the safety of my children. I try to swallow the lump in my throat and lift up the families of the lost. I force myself to look at the faces of the people in the pictures...urge myself to live in this world and feel its ache.
I will not pretend my world is full of marshmallows today.
I think we need to talk about it. To rally around the idea that even at Christmas, this world is fallen. To take into reality our lives and how fragile they are. To live a life as fully devoted followers of God. To BRING God into these conversations and defend Him. To wake up... To stop complaining about everything that doesn't go our way and to hold tight to the most precious of all gifts - life.
God's life he's given us...but more importantly the lives he's entrusted to us.
Because ultimately, they are His.
God is in control. But people are lost. Their sin...our sin pollutes everything.
From a solitary thought that goes astray...to the actions that lead to death.
There is always a progression...but God did NOT cause that.
I don't know how I feel about telling Cale what happened...it's too real to his 5-year-old life.
I'm not sure he could wrap his head around it today...or tomorrow...or even this year.
His heart is the most fragile of my children it seems his fears take over him.
I think we'll wait.
But even for that I am grateful...that we have that opportunity to shield our children's minds from this world.
Thank you God for sparing my child...I pray these families experience the "peace that passes all understanding."
And I pray unashamed...selfishly...desperately that in this lifetime I will never have to bury one of my children.
No comments:
Post a Comment